By following these three simple steps, you can annoy all those that you speak to. Practice them often and you will become proficient; guaranteed to have maximum personal space and time to further reflect on you.
1. Don’t think about anyone but yourself.
Focus the conversation on you. This is probably the most important step to being annoying when talking to someone. Make sure your thoughts only dwell on you and things pertaining to you. What is in your mind should naturally flow into your speech; in abundance.
Think about how great you look in your new outfit. Think about how charming, handsome, or kind you are. Think about whatever you want, just keep your thoughts on you. The more pride you can squeeze into your thoughts and speech the better.
This step should come naturally to most people, but practice it from time to time to ensure proficiency.
2. Don’t lose control of the conversation.
You are in charge. Whenever the other person starts talking, feel free to interrupt and change the subject. Do not stay on one topic for more than a few minutes and if at all possible, steer the conversation back to talking about yourself.
The person you are talking with should feel honored to get to speak with you, so don’t feel burdened to wait for their thoughts. Mention, in detail, your opinions on some subject and then before the other person has a chance to share theirs, abruptly move on. They will appreciate you keeping the conversation flowing.
Keep that mouth running; don’t be interrupted. Like a high speed chase leave no chance for the other person to catch up.
3. Don’t consider the other person.
Show poor body language. Stare off into the distance or examine your fingernails. Watch your foot scuffing the ground. Laugh at a child playing far away. Whatever you do make sure you act like you are not listening. Try to paint a look of disinterest on your face like you could care less about what they are saying and that it in no way affects you.
Optional: You could also do the opposite by giving them your outward attention, but not actually listening. Its best if you feign interest and ignore what they say all together. The success of this method will be confirmed by your inability to respond intelligently to what they are saying.
During the conversation, do not ask questions. This might encourage your partner to continue talking. Instead, at the first opportunity, return the conversation back to its rightful topic: you. Ignore what they’ve said and move on.
[Photo by Akuppa]
Related posts:
ha! jessica, this is most excellent. nice work.
[...] gift of marriage didn’t work out either because of bad communication on my [...]
OK- how about “how to excuse yourself when you find you’re in the company of someone like this” or better yet, “how to help your friends learn better communication skills